And if he were here tonight, I think he would say, “But why the makeup?” I know that he would be in awe of my mom, who supported me enough for a dozen parents, and would love and adore my wife Holly and our daughter as much as I do. And in the end, I think he’d feel like, “Couldn’t you just wear a little powder? Why do you have to look like a harlot?” and I would say, “Dad, just think of me as a very masculine lady,” and he would say, “I do, son. I do.”

Ty Burrell, Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series [x]